The Elliptical Machine
02 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Silly Poems
(February 20, 2010)
You came into our home
Uninvited, for sure
Two burly men
Carried you in through my door
You’re my husband’s idea
A Valentine’s treat!
(Truly I would have preferred
Chocolate to eat)
There, from the corner
You stared like a stone
I wondered which one of us
Would be left standing alone
We squared off like Elk
On the Serengeti
Reluctantly I gave in,
(You’re winning already)
I climbed on your steps
And steadied myself straight
Then proceeded to find
My “target heart rate”
My kids were intrigued
They just quietly stared
Was that really their mom?
Perhaps she’s impaired?
But I was nonplussed
At their shock and confusion
For deep down I knew
This was no illusion
For I knew that I needed
A plan of attack
After I waved my arm
And my arm waved back!
I had prepared for this day
From my head to my toes
For today they sell
Pretty exercise clothes!
Sure styles have changed
(I was filled with surprise
When they no longer sold spandex
To cover my thighs)
But none of that matters
As I embrace this new “friend”
“Cause Elliptical, I love you!
May the fun never end!
Ode to a Garage Door
02 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Silly Poems
(written after I accidentally backed out of the garage while the garage door was still down in Feb. 2009)
I climbed in the car
(sexy minivan, to be true)
Strapped in the kids
Threw the dog in there, too.
I fastened my seatbelt
Threw some goldfish in back
A feeding frenzy ensued,
(Hungry toddler attack!)
I pressed the door opener
Threw the gear in reverse
Without a second thought
I backed out rear first
Then a loud CRASH!
A THUD! Then a BOOM!
I pull the car forward
Not a second too soon.
A confused look in back,
The girls, wide-eyed in shock
“MOM what was THAT?”
“Mommy, FIX MY SOCK!”
I dash out of the car,
And race to the rear,
The garage door is mangled
Bent outward, oh dear!
“Think!” I command.
Do something quick!
Is it really that bad?,
(Am I really that thick?)
The girls climb out
To inspect the commotion
“Mommy, you BROKE it!
One says, (with devotion.
I cringe and I panic
The girls run out to play
Deserting their mother
On this dread-filled day.
So to Facebook I turn,
To help with my thinking
Many write with kind words
(Some imply I was drinking!)
But alas, all turned out well
My husband took it in stride
For he’s gotten used to such antics
With his loopy, blonde bride.
Of course, that’s no excuse
And I know he’s not conned
(for deep down we know,
I’m not really blonde.)
So to all of my friends,
Colleagues and peers,
Thanks for the laughs
They prevented the tears!
